If your daughter is going through recruitment and you're trying to figure out your role in it, here's the honest version, written for you specifically.
Your actual job during the week: logistics and emotional ballast. Feed her real meals, get her to bed at a reasonable hour, and be the calm voice at the end of an exhausting day. You are not a strategist in this process and that's by design, the system is built around her judgment, not yours.
What not to do. Don't push a "legacy" chapter or your own alma mater as an expectation, legacy carries far less formal weight than it used to and she needs room to choose freely. Don't ask "did you get invited back" like a scoreboard update every single night, ask how she's feeling instead. Don't compare her results to a friend's daughter, comparison is the fastest way to add pressure to an already pressurized week.
On the money conversation. Have it before recruitment starts, not during. Know your actual budget together, and let her ask chapters about dues without embarrassment, it's a normal question every PNM is encouraged to ask.
If she doesn't get a bid, or gets a bid to a chapter she's disappointed by. This will genuinely hurt in the moment, and your job is to let it hurt without immediately problem-solving it. "That's really disappointing, I'm sorry" does more good in the first hour than any silver lining you can offer. The reframes and next steps (COB exists, this isn't final, plenty of women transfer chapters or find their people through other paths) land better the next day, once the sting has settled.
The bigger picture worth holding onto: recruitment outcomes feel enormous in the moment and rarely define the four years that follow. Whatever happens this week, she'll build her college life regardless, the chapter is one input, not the whole equation.